11. Imposter Syndrome
Today, I’m finally going to talk about imposter syndrome—a topic that comes up frequently in software development, yet one we often subconsciously avoid.
Imposter syndrome is a psychological state where, despite achieving success, a person remains convinced that they don’t deserve it.
Even with continuous external validation and praise, those experiencing this phenomenon often battle chronic self-doubt. They view themselves as “frauds” and live in constant fear of being exposed for their perceived inadequacy.
This phenomenon is particularly common in fields like software development and academia. Many talented developers, even after acquiring impressive skills or accomplishments, constantly question whether they truly have what it takes, writing off their success as mere luck rather than genuine ability.
When watching HTTP203—a show I really enjoy—I saw two former Google engineers discussing imposter syndrome, and it made me realize that even engineers at Google feel this way.
My Experience
1.
When I first started out in frontend development, I interned at a company. Back then, I had very little experience—interns who joined after me already possessed solid development skills. I often wondered why the company hired someone like me: inexperienced, unskilled, and pretty nerdy.
Driven by the desire to improve, and lucky enough to have a company willing to invest in me, I spent two months over the summer taking online courses subsidized by the company. I learned the fundamentals of JavaScript and memorized all the Sublime Text shortcuts. Later on, I learned Ruby on Rails to build one of the company’s side products and eventually joined the core development team.
2.
When I switched to my next company, my imposter syndrome grew even stronger.
Every developer there had deep, extensive experience. To avoid falling behind, I spent my off-hours reading technical articles and running my own tech blog. I constantly felt like I wasn’t good enough, exhibiting the textbook symptom of imposter syndrome: living in constant fear of being found out as underqualified.
3.
After moving to Japan, even though I thought my Japanese was upper-intermediate, I realized once I arrived that it was merely average. Plenty of foreigners had studied Japanese for a shorter time than I had, yet spoke it much better.
On the engineering side, while a larger team naturally brings a wider range of skill levels, I was fortunate enough to work alongside an exceptionally strong developer. And just like that, I fell right back into the daily loop of doubting whether I was good enough.
My imposter syndrome even bled into my writing. I didn’t dare state my opinions assertively, hedging with words like “probably” or “I feel like” whenever I felt uncertain. While it looked like humility on the surface, it was actually a subconscious defense mechanism.
4.
Once, I was assigned to lead the design and implementation of a critical module. At the time, I was primarily a frontend engineer, but this design involved significant backend work and required a deep understanding of the existing project architecture.
Even though my technical background and experience were sufficient to design the architecture when the task was handed to me, seeing suggestions from other team members would send me spiraling into self-doubt. My mind would constantly race with thoughts like, “They’re so much more competent than me,” or “What if they realize I’m not actually that smart?”
Overcoming It
Denny once touched upon this on X (Twitter). He wondered if the real root of this anxiety might actually be: “Why is that person doing better than me when they clearly aren’t that good?”
I thought about this for a long time. Was believing “I’m not good enough” just an excuse? Could the underlying reason really be, as Denny suggested, pure envy?
I think part of it is true. Before realizing the input-output fallacy, it’s easy to fall into the mindset of “they aren’t even that skilled, so why are they doing better than me?”
So the solution is actually quite simple: let go of the comparison trap, and recognize that everyone is on their own unique journey:
- The moment a company hires you, it means they’ve evaluated you and decided you have the necessary skills. Anything beyond that is on the company and the team.
- Be mindful of the input-output fallacy: effort and output are not always directly proportional.
- We only ever see a small slice of someone’s life, not the entire journey that brought them here.
- If someone is remarkably skilled, befriend them and learn from them.
- You don’t have to be a superstar yourself to be friends with someone who is.
While I mentioned earlier that anxiety can stem from thinking “Why are they doing better than me?”, I believe there are other factors that cannot be overlooked. Growing up in a traditional Chinese family environment, you often face intense competition, frequent invalidation from family and peers, and a culture where grades are treated as the sole metric of success. Over time, it becomes remarkably easy to internalize that as chronic self-doubt.
Lowering Expectations
There’s nothing that “aiming lower” can’t solve.
Another effective way to overcome this is to lower your expectations. When others demand 100%, set your benchmark at 60%. This isn’t about avoiding hard work—it’s the key to enjoying life.
Try to avoid placing unreasonable demands on your own abilities, and accept the reality that perfection does not exist. This allows us to view our shortcomings with greater compassion and improve our skills incrementally. Growth is always a journey; embracing your imperfections is the very first step toward true success.
The longer you spend navigating your career, the more you realize that truly nothing matters more than being healthy and happy. Lowering your expectations is an effective way to get there.
Taking care of your mental well-being and physical health is what will sustain you across a career that spans roughly 80,000 hours, helping you go further and thrive.
Conclusion
Imposter syndrome is an incredibly common phenomenon in professional life, yet surprisingly few people talk openly about it. Admitting that you might not be as good as you want to be is hard, and genuinely celebrating the success of others can be just as difficult.
In this post, I’ve shared some of my personal stories in the hope that they might bring a little comfort to anyone feeling lost or experiencing similar symptoms. Do you have any good tips for dealing with imposter syndrome? Feel free to email me at me@kalan.dev and let me know.
Related Posts
- Reflections on Five Years at LINE Fukuoka (now LY Corporation) At the end of 2024, I left LINE Fukuoka (now LY Corporation). This post reflects on what I built, the managers and colleagues I worked with, and why I ultimately decided to move on.
- Baskets and Spears This story comes from one of my favorite book series growing up—the stories of *The Fifth Discipline*. As a kid, I naturally had no concept of organizations or teams; I simply loved the stories. Little did I know that as I grew up, I'd realize these stories were entirely about teams.
- 15. A Life Full of Gratitude Growing up, my family wasn't well-off, and life wasn't easy. Without financial support, your choices become very limited. Yet in an environment like this, I still...
- 14. 1,000 True Fans This concept is a business strategy for creators (such as artists, writers, musicians, and makers). It argues that creators do not need to become global superstars or amass millions of followers; they only need a dedicated group of loyal supporters to make a steady living and sustain their creative work.