Baskets and Spears

This comes from one of my favorite book series growing up—the stories of The Fifth Discipline. As a kid, I naturally had no concept of organizations or teams; I simply loved the stories. Little did I know that as I grew up, I’d realize these stories were entirely about teams.

Faced with a food shortage, two groups stepped up and volunteered to explore the east and west for possible sources of food.

Each group reached a tower, but the view from atop each tower was entirely different. The group that climbed the eastern tower looked out upon lush plains teeming with herds of animals; the group that climbed the western tower saw a vast forest laden with abundant fruit.

When they returned to the tribe, predictably, their conclusions were worlds apart. Those who returned from the eastern tower insisted they must craft weapons, bows, and spears to hunt animals; those back from the western tower argued they should make baskets and long poles to gather delicious fruit from the trees.

From that day on, disputes and division never ceased. Eventually, the ancestors scattered into caves of various sizes, eating insects in the dark and quenching their thirst with dew drops from the stones.

In the story of Shadows of the Neanderthal, this is why the ancestors ended up living in caves.

Absurd, isn’t it? In the story, both sides were right. Both had proposed sensible solutions tailored to what they had seen. But because their perspectives differed, their failure to understand one another led to endless conflict. In the end, their innocent descendants were condemned to live in caves.

As the book puts it:

Mental models are deeply ingrained assumptions, generalizations, or even pictures and images that influence how we understand the world and how we take action.

Whether in our careers or in software engineering, running into disagreements or differing points of view is completely normal. Yet the “single right answer” education common in Asian upbringings seems to leave us ill-equipped to genuinely engage with perspectives different from our own.

Many seemingly intractable conflicts between people stem primarily from a lack of understanding. In this story, the most direct approach would have been to say, “Let me climb your tower and see what you saw.” Yet in reality, you rarely see anyone do that.

Another reason is that developers often fear showing vulnerability, having their ideas rejected, or admitting that they are wrong.

Fearing the label of “not smart,” they instinctively resist other people’s ideas, assuming the other person is just trying to pick a fight and that they must prove they know better. Everyone pays lip service to “not being afraid to make mistakes,” but in practice, they fight tooth and nail against admitting them.

(Granted, this assumes a reasonably healthy workplace environment 😂)

Our efforts should be focused on delivering better outcomes, not defending our personal egos. Earlier in my career, I also felt deeply uncomfortable whenever my ideas or opinions were challenged—even during code reviews.

But once you shift your mental model and start by seeking first to understand the other person’s perspective, stepping into their shoes often leads to eye-opening discoveries. Just as I’ve written before: Are you genuinely curious about what others think? Or do you just want to argue them into silence? The intent behind each approach couldn’t be more different.

Baskets and spears—I want both.

There Are Always Exceptions

Lately, I’ve become a big fan of the “three strikes” rule. The first time might just be an off day; the second time might be an honest mistake; but by the third time, you can safely conclude, “This person just isn’t worth it.” Being empathetic takes a tremendous amount of energy—if someone is mistreating you, don’t waste time wondering what hardship they might be going through.

If you are surrounded by people whose baseline competence or mindset is worlds apart from yours, meaningful intellectual exchange may simply be impossible.

Just like in the story: if the other party wanted neither baskets nor spears, but instead proposed building a brand-new tower from scratch, I honestly wouldn’t even know where to begin. It’s kind of like that.

If you find yourself in an environment like that, my advice is: quit.