Have I Been Useful?

I really like a scene from Frieren: Beyond Journey’s End.

Fern asks Frieren, “Have I been useful? (私は役に立ていますか？)”, and Frieren asks Fern why she would ask that.

Fern replies, “Because I can’t control magic as perfectly as Frieren can.”

Frieren says, “Time is something that can’t be surpassed, but Fern casts spells faster than I do, so battles end more quickly.”

Something that happened recently kept bringing this scene to mind, so I decided to write about it.

Being Useful

When Fern asked, “Have I been useful?” it happened to align with one of my own recent goals: “helping others or companies grow.” After seeing this scene, I kept thinking about that question.

I mentioned in Gratitude that, because of my family background, I grew up often feeling like I was “a cut below others.” Almost everything I needed to do required someone else’s help, and that kind of background made me insecure. Because of that, studying was the only thing I could do relatively well, and it didn’t require many harsh conditions.

It wasn’t until I entered the workforce that I became more capable of helping others. Although I still haven’t escaped the salaried class, I occasionally receive feedback from readers telling me that my articles have helped them a great deal, and that is incredibly encouraging to me.

Still, it makes me think how completely different this is from who I was five years ago. Five years ago, I only thought about development and technology. My focus was solely on how to solve technical problems, and I didn’t think from a team perspective. Learning new things and technologies was certainly enjoyable, but after five years I realized I feel a greater sense of accomplishment when helping others grow. Especially when my own methods and way of thinking are quietly adopted by someone else, it gives me a strong sense of fulfillment. I’m also very fortunate to have walked part of the journey with everyone.

Not Caring Whether Someone Else Is Stronger Than You

I don’t know what Frieren’s true feelings are, but from the perspective of a thousand-year-old master, admitting that someone else is better than you at something is extremely difficult for most people.

I was probably like that too, back then.

This is very common in the tech world. It feels like everyone is constantly comparing themselves: degrees, experience, output, salary, LeetCode. Sometimes I wonder whether this circle can be compared to the demons in Frieren: Beyond Journey’s End—arrogant, proud, yet hypocritical and vile.

I was deeply poisoned by this mindset early on. In After Getting Japan Permanent Residency, I once lamented that I was surrounded by smart people, and it seemed like there was always someone stronger than you.

People don’t say it openly, but they silently judge you by your job grade and your ability. When you post about a promotion in a community, they may privately think it’s nothing special; when you post about passing the Japanese Language Proficiency Test, they may think foreign language ability is nothing special either. They don’t want their own efforts to go unrecognized.

This desire to admire the strong is especially common in the tech world. As long as you’re strong enough, even being a complete asshole doesn’t matter. There is no right or wrong in that either; perhaps that kind of mindset is better suited to becoming a boss, where the sole goal is company growth and everything else is noise. Only then can you survive.

I prefer seeing others become stronger and then give back to society.