Twitter Addiction

I recently deactivated and locked my Twitter account and deleted the app. To be honest, I’ve been feeling so anxious lately. Seeing Twitter flooded with all kinds of depressing, misanthropic, successful, funny, and cynical tweets gives me this inexplicable sense of dread and anxiety. I have no idea when I’ll turn it back on, but I feel like I’m about at my limit.

Instagram feels much better to me. Browsing friends’ photos and recent updates, sharing photos I took and little moments of my life… Even though there are quite a few ads, at least I don’t have to wallow in self-pity every time I stumble upon those piercing tweets.

Maybe deep down, I still feel like I’m not quite as good as everyone else. I used to treat Twitter merely as a venting space to log my daily life, blow off steam, and capture the dark blues of my moods. Lately, though, I’ve found myself caring way too much about follower counts, likes, and retweets. Even when I tell myself not to care, I still can’t resist opening the app to check. This mindset has disrupted my daily routine for weeks—not to mention having to deal with people calling me out from time to time.

Twitter also seems to have gradually turned into a place where the successful and the meme-savvy seize the spotlight and control the narrative. Constantly seeing their tweets on my feed makes me dread opening the app, fueling my anxiety. One slip of the tongue and you get quote-retweeted into a mob attack; private accounts get exposed through screenshots; and accounts with massive followings manipulate public sentiment however they like. After watching this for so long, I can’t help but think: aren’t we all just trying to survive on the fringes of the real world anyway? Why must we tear each other apart on Twitter?

Having lived online for so long, I just want to form normal connections with others. Even though I know I’m not someone who enjoys crowds, interacting with interesting people always sparks new ideas.

To me, Japanese songs have a distinctive quality: an extraordinarily delicate expression of emotion, both in their melodies and lyrics. Maybe that’s just a trait of the Japanese language itself. Probably because it resonates so much with my current state of mind, I’ve really been into listening to cynical, nihilistic songs lately.

The title of this track is pure cynicism: “Who Needs Youth Anyway?” Translating the lyrics into another language honestly doesn’t capture the same vibe as the original Japanese. Here’s the Spotify embed:

Even though nothing particularly depressing happened, I still want to scream, I hate waiting for trains, the school building at night, the scent of sunset.

Let’s just leave summer behind. Who knows anything about the future? Pretending not to hear the fireworks, incapable of speaking my true mind, there’s nothing fun at all, and the festival is finally coming to an end.

These lyrics and melodies feel much closer to reality. Looking back now, my youth was utterly pathetic. Three years of high school spent solely studying, and college life was an even bigger mess.

Friends, interpersonal relationships, romance—not a single thing went smoothly. When you’re in that state, listening to this kind of disillusioned music feels insanely cathartic.

Yeah, I know you reading this might think, “Well, everyone’s youth has a bit of bitterness to it, right?” No, it truly sucked. For three straight years, my life was nothing but school in the morning and cram school at night.

Hearing this song on Spotify, every single word pierced straight through my heart. Life is so hard.