11. Imposter Syndrome
# Career RetrospectToday, I’m finally going to talk about imposter syndrome — a topic that comes up often in software development, yet one that we instinctively tend to avoid.
Imposter syndrome, also known as the imposter phenomenon, is the state of not being able to believe that you deserve your success even after achieving certain accomplishments.
Despite continuous recognition and praise from the outside world, people experiencing this psychological phenomenon often feel self-doubt, believing that they are “imposters” and fearing that their lack of real ability will be exposed.
This phenomenon appears frequently in certain fields, such as software development and academia. Many excellent developers, even after gaining skills or achievements, still keep questioning whether they truly have the necessary abilities. They feel that their success is purely a matter of luck and does not reflect their true level.
I really enjoy HTTP203, and when two former Google engineers discussed imposter syndrome, it made me realize that even engineers at Google feel this way.
My experience
1.
When I first started front-end development, I interned at a company. I actually had very little experience — even the interns who joined after me already had much stronger development skills. I often wondered why the company hired someone like me, a guy who had no real ability and was also kind of an awkward nerd.
But because I wanted to get better, and because the company was willing to cultivate me, I spent the two months of summer learning JavaScript fundamentals through online courses subsidized by the company. I also learned a huge list of Sublime shortcuts. Later in the internship, I learned Ruby on Rails and developed the company’s side product, and then joined the development team together.
2.
After I switched to my next company, my imposter syndrome became even stronger.
Every developer there had very deep development experience. In order not to fall behind, I would proactively read technical articles after work and maintain my own blog. I often felt like I wasn’t good enough, and, as with the classic symptoms of imposter syndrome, I feared being exposed as someone who simply wasn’t up to the task.
3.
After coming to Japan, although I thought my Japanese was at an upper-intermediate level, I only then realized that it was actually just average. There were many foreigners who had studied Japanese for less time than I had, yet spoke it better than I did.
In development, while it’s natural for a larger team to have differences in skill levels, I was also lucky enough at the time to work with a very strong developer on the team, and once again I fell into the loop of doubting myself every day.
My imposter syndrome showed up in my writing. I didn’t dare state my thoughts too directly, and whenever I wasn’t sure, I would add words like “probably” or “I think.” What seemed like humility was actually a subconscious form of self-defense.
4.
I was assigned to be responsible for the design and implementation of a critical module. At the time, I mostly worked on front-end development, but this design would involve a lot of back-end work and required understanding the architecture of the existing project.
Although my technical background and experience meant that I could design a workable architecture when I was given the task, whenever I saw other team members offering suggestions, I would often start doubting myself, with thoughts like “they’re more capable than I am” or “what if they discover I’m actually not smart enough?” constantly filling my mind.
Overcoming it
Denny once mentioned this on X (Twitter). He wondered whether the real source of anxiety was: “Why is it that he’s clearly not that great, yet he can live better than I can?”
I thought about this for a long time. Is feeling that I’m not good enough just an excuse? Maybe the real reason is, as Denny said — envy.
I think part of it is that before I became aware of the myth of the input-output ratio, it was indeed easy to fall into the mindset of “Why is it that he’s clearly not that great, yet he can live better than I can?”
So the solution is actually very simple: let go of comparison and understand that everyone is an independent individual:
- The moment a company hires you, it means they’ve already determined that you have enough ability. What happens next is between you, your coworkers, and the company.
- Be aware of the myth of input and output; input and output are not equivalent.
- We can only see one part of a person, not their entire life up to this point.
- If someone is really amazing, become friends with them and ask them for advice often
- You don’t have to be amazing to be friends with someone
Although I mentioned earlier that the source of anxiety may come from “Why is it that he’s clearly not that great, yet he can live better than I can?”, I also think there are several other factors that shouldn’t be ignored — especially if you grew up in a Chinese family environment. You may have had to face high competition, constant criticism from friends and family, and the belief that grades are the only measure of success. Over time, it really does become easy to doubt yourself.
Lower your expectations
There’s nothing “Aim lower” can’t solve
Another effective way to overcome it is to lower your expectations. When everyone else is demanding 100 points, set your expectation at 60. This isn’t about avoiding effort; it’s the key to a happier life.
Try to avoid setting excessively high standards for your own abilities, and accept the reality that perfection does not exist. This allows us to be more forgiving of our shortcomings and improve our skills in a gradual way. Progress is often a process, and accepting your imperfections is the first step toward success.
The longer you work in your career, the more you’ll gradually realize that nothing matters more than health and happiness — really. And lowering expectations is an effective solution.
Taking care of your mental state and your health will help you go further and better across a career that may last 80,000 hours.
Closing thoughts
Imposter syndrome is something you often encounter in your career, yet it feels like not many people talk about it. It’s hard to admit that you’re not good enough, and it’s also hard to sincerely wish others well.
In this post, I’ve shared some of my own stories, hoping that they may help, at least a little, those of you who are feeling lost or experiencing similar symptoms. Do you have any good ways to deal with imposter syndrome? Feel free to email me at me@kalan.dev and let me know.