Carnegie Communication and Interpersonal Relationships: How to Win Friends and Influence People

This book can be considered a classic among classics, and after a long delay, I finally finished reading it.

The concepts conveyed in the book are somewhat about transforming oneself into an altruist. I believe that those who see themselves as altruistic are indeed more likely to make friends and influence others.

The book is divided into four main sections:

• Basic Techniques
• Making Others Like You
• Getting Others to Agree with Your Ideas
• How to Be a Leader

1. Basic Techniques

1. Don't criticize, condemn, or complain.
2. Give them what they want. Here are the things people crave:
   • Food, sleep
   • Health
   • Money
   • Life
   • Sexual satisfaction
   • Happiness and health of children
   • Being valued
3. Offer honest and sincere appreciation.
4. Arouse in the other person an eager want.
5. The best way to make others like you is to show genuine interest in them.
6. Remembering others' birthdays and expressing gratitude is a great approach.

2. Making Others Like You

1. Maintain an interest in others.
2. The power of a smile.
3. Try to remember the other person’s name as much as possible.
4. Be a good listener.
5. Make them feel important.

3. Getting Others to Agree with Your Ideas

1. The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it. I disagree somewhat. I believe that debating with mutual respect can be beneficial and might even strengthen relationships. However, some trivial arguments can be overlooked.
2. Don't try to prove others wrong; avoid the attitude of "I'm smarter than you, ha-ha," as it does not help in resolving issues or maintaining relationships.
3. When pointing out someone else's mistake, you can add, "I might be wrong; I often make mistakes." You will never get into trouble by admitting that you may be wrong.
4. Let the other person feel that the idea is theirs.
5. Try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view. This is something many people struggle with their entire lives; it's about empathy.
6. Be sympathetic with the other person's ideas and desires.
7. Appeal to nobler motives. This perspective is quite brilliant; you can provoke thought by appealing to higher motives.
8. Dramatize your ideas. Exaggerate your thoughts to make them more vivid. A lack of drama may weaken the impact of your message.

4. Be a Leader

1. Start with praise and honest appreciation before pointing out the other person's mistakes.
2. How to criticize without being hated: Indirectly point out others' mistakes.
3. Talk about your own mistakes first.
4. Nobody likes to take orders: Ask questions instead of giving direct commands.
5. Preserve the other person's dignity: Don’t embarrass someone in front of others.
6. Give the other person a good reputation to live up to, encouraging them to perform better.
7. Use encouragement: Make mistakes seem easy to correct.
8. Make the other person happy to do what you suggest.

Thoughts

I feel that this book highlights some details I previously overlooked. Some points seem fundamental to being a good person, while others appear too altruistic, risking being taken advantage of. However, I believe that being more open-hearted could help me trust others more, potentially leading to unexpected surprises.

I consider myself relatively unlucky in this aspect, having no mentors to teach me how to manage relationships or make friends throughout my schooling, from elementary to university. It has only been in recent years, through reading and absorbing knowledge, that I've started to change.

Speaking of which, I’d like to share something that happened recently.

I usually don’t respond to friends' Instagram stories, but I happened to see a post from a YouTuber I follow, and I had something to share, so I replied. To my surprise, he actually responded and even started chatting with me. We talked about various things related to living and working in Japan.

He is a YouTuber with hundreds of thousands of subscribers, and to him, I was just another face in the crowd, a completely unfamiliar person. Yet, he believed that I wasn't a weirdo and was willing to chat with me for so long. This seemingly casual interaction had a significant impact on me. If I had simply scrolled past and not replied, would anything have happened?

Being an opportunist isn’t shameful; I enjoy the connections between people and have received numerous opportunities through networking. I cherish everything I have now and hope to practice the suggestions in this book more often—not out of obligation, but because I genuinely want to.

My life experiences have made me somewhat cautious about trusting strangers, as my family and I have faced hardships and been deceived by unfamiliar faces, and we've also suffered for being too kind.

After reading this book, I wrote a letter to Jake and Surma from HTTP 203, a Google Developers show that I have followed for a long time, primarily focusing on web development and browser-related topics. Their discussions are deep and humorous, offering a wealth of knowledge. About a day or two later, both of them replied. I wasn't seeking a referral; I just wanted to express my gratitude.

The news of the passing of Liang Gege and Chen Hao reminded me that expressing gratitude should be timely; otherwise, it may be too late to convey it to the other person. Both of them were bloggers I frequently referenced during my student days. If you have creators, influencers, or friends you appreciate, consider writing them a note of thanks—it's highly effective. (Feel free to email me as well!)