Recently, I deactivated and locked my Twitter account, and also deleted the app. To be honest, I've been feeling anxious lately. Seeing all kinds of tweets on Twitter, filled with depression, cynicism, success, humor, and irony, I don't know why, but it gives me a sense of anxiety. I don't know when I'll reopen it, but I feel like I'm reaching my limit.
Instagram feels much better to me. I can see my friends' photos and updates, share my own photos and bits of life. Although there are more ads, at least I don't have to constantly see those glaring tweets and feel sorry for myself.
Maybe deep down, I always feel like I'm a little bit worse off than others. I used to treat Twitter as a diary, to record my daily life and vent my emotions, a dark blue record of my feelings. But recently, I seem to care more about the number of followers, likes, and retweets. Even if I tell myself not to care, I still find myself wanting to open the app and check. This mood has been affecting my daily routine for weeks, not to mention the occasional criticism.
Twitter seems to have become a place where successful people and those with clever ideas gain their voice. I often see their tweets on my feed, which makes me less inclined to open the app and increases my anxiety. Saying the wrong thing can lead to a heated debate, and even locked accounts can be exposed through screenshots. Accounts with a large number of followers can easily influence the direction of discussions. After seeing all this, I can't help but feel like everyone is living on the edge of the real world. Why do we have to harm each other on Twitter?
Having lived on the internet for a long time, I hope to establish genuine connections with others. Although I know I'm not someone who enjoys being in crowds, there are always interesting people to interact with, and it often leads to new ideas.
Japanese songs have a unique characteristic for me, which is their delicate expression of emotions, whether in melody or lyrics. Perhaps it's the nature of the Japanese language itself. I find it quite fitting for my current situation, and I've been enjoying listening to songs from the cynical genre.
The title of this song is quite cynical, it's called "Who Needs Youth Anyway." When translated into Chinese, the lyrics lose that certain feeling that the Japanese language conveys. Here's the Spotify link:
Even though there's nothing particularly depressing, I still feel like shouting out loud, I hate waiting for trains, the night at school, and the scent of the sunset.
Let's just leave the summer behind. Who knows what the future holds? Pretending not to hear the sound of fireworks, I can't really express what I truly feel. There's no such thing as happiness. The festival is finally coming to an end.
These lyrics and melody feel more relatable to reality. Looking back, my youth was truly a mess. I spent my three years in high school studying, and my university life was even worse.
Whether it's making friends, interpersonal relationships, or romantic endeavors, nothing went smoothly. That's why listening to these cynical songs feels so liberating.
Well, I know when you read this, you might think that youth is supposed to have some bitterness to it. No, it was truly a mess. Three years of the same routine, attending classes in the morning and cramming in the evening.
When I hear songs like this on Spotify, every word feels like it's piercing right into my heart. Life is so difficult.
