Blue Period and My Inadequate Self

The new anime Blue Period on Netflix recently is really good. It tells the story of a high school student who falls in love with painting and strives to get into Tokyo University of the Arts. I binged all the currently available episodes in a single day.

Thinking about it closely, I feel like I share a striking similarity with the protagonist.

I’m not that great at the piano, nor the guitar. My Japanese and English aren’t particularly impressive, my coding is so-so, my cooking is mediocre, and my YouTube channel isn’t doing anything remarkable either. Although I had decent grades in high school, I never really had any grand ambitions—not to mention that my college years were a mess and I even had to delay my graduation. If I had to sum it up in one phrase: half-baked.

To others, it might look like I know how to do a lot of things, but in reality, it’s just because I lack self-confidence. I know that an ordinary person like me has to spend far more time and effort just to reach what others consider an average level. The protagonist was fortunate enough to find his goal in the anime, but I’m still drifting aimlessly.

“Just keep what you love as a hobby—I think that’s how adults see it. Isn’t it only natural to spend a ton of time on the things you love?” Anyone can preach grand platitudes, but the despair of being so broke that you can’t even withdraw money from an ATM isn’t something empty words can fix.

Lately, there’s been a term called “HENRY” (High Earners, Not Rich Yet), defined as upper-middle-income individuals making over a hundred thousand dollars a year. While I’m still a long way off from being truly upper-middle class, I do make more than the average income and have a bit more breathing room in my life.

The channel Qiong She Ji Yu (窮奢極欲) gave a great explanation of this phenomenon:

When you think about it, an increase in salary brings a disproportionate hike in income tax and pension contributions. So while income increases on paper, after deducting income taxes, pensions, student loans, and credit loans, it isn’t actually that different from the average income bracket. In my view, upper-middle earners usually make their living through high-skill labor, yet this group gets exploited the most by income tax. Unlike the truly wealthy, they can’t rely on banks and corporations for tax avoidance. Those who genuinely enter the ranks of the wealthy rarely earn their income through physical labor or skills; they do it by manipulating capital. Shouldn’t people like that be the ones taxed more heavily?

Consumption tax hikes, rising consumer price indices, and resource shortages—in the end, the ones who suffer are always the working class (the middle class). Fundamentally, we’re all pretty much in the same boat.

Returning to Blue Period, I feel that even now, I still can’t say what I truly love. Just thinking about it makes me feel quite depressed.

Just like in the mental breakdown episode, outside expectations and pressure really take a toll on your mind and body. After grinding in the same industry for a long time, it’s hard not to feel lost about what you actually want to do.

Maybe before long, I will consider pivoting to a different field. Maybe I’ll keep coding, or maybe I’ll move into an entirely different industry or domain to see what insights I can gain. “Someone who has a goal and can work tirelessly is invincible.” But how much longer will it take before I find that goal? わかりません (I have no idea).